| The last few years I’ve written a lot about confusion, uncertainty, and not feeling like doing anything.
That’s because I’ve been going through these themes for the last 3-4 years.
Naturally, I’ve had to deal with my own stories, my own fears.
I’ve learned to live with uncertainty.
Uncertainty doesn’t stop me from living my life, because I don’t navigate from my mind. I use my mind, but it’s not the captain of this ship.
I’ve also noticed old projects falling away. Many aspects of who I thought I was have fallen away. Yet nothing has come to replace them.
Not yet.
I’m not entirely sure which projects will regain vitality, and which ones will be lost at sea.
I’ve come to trust that life brings me what I need to navigate through these stormy waters.
I could listen to my mind, but it doesn’t know what’s coming. It only wants illusory certainty. It grasps, searches, and clings.
Life seems to know when and where I’m needed.
If I try to force progress, I exhaust myself. I put extra strain on my ship by trying to go against the flow.
My mind may say “I don’t know what’s going on. We have to figure this out. Do something.”
But my heart, the true captain, is relaxed.
I’m going with my heart, even if I end up “failing.”
It’s unlikely that I’ll fail, but that’s how my mind tries to coerce me into living in its world of fear.
The mind is always trying to come up with a strategy to get something.
Get success. Get love. Get money.
It wants those things, because it thinks that’s the key to everlasting happiness. But it doesn’t work that way.
Happiness is not a cause. It is not something that comes. It is something you tap into, or open, like a fresh can of soda (ptsssch).
You become happy when you decide to become happy.
So…
I don’t know what’s going on. And that’s fine.
My heart navigates the ship just fine. I take one step at a time.
I pay attention to what resonates, and what I have the energy for.
I’ve been doing this for 14+ years, so I’m familiar with the ebbs and flows of life.
Yet my mind wants to complicate things. It wants to figure things out. It wants to get freedom and happiness, yet none of those come from the mind.
They come from letting go of grasping and controlling life.
I’m excited about what’s to come. I don’t know what it is, but I can glimpse land on the horizon. A new port. A new chapter.
Let’s see what happens. |
