Pay Attention To The Way You Feel
The way you are treated is more important than how much you like them (although that will come).
We’ve all experienced feeling small around certain people. Not good enough. Flawed. Insecure. Those people may even have been our parents. Or someone at work, people in our social circle, maybe our sibling.
We feel constricted, not freely flowing from our hearts. Somewhat nervous, wanting to do the “right” thing, say the “right” thing. We may not even notice what’s happening until later, we’re so caught up in wanting to measure up, make the right impression. Wanting to be liked, desperate to be loved.
Sometimes, depending on the person we’re with, we don’t know what to say. Our minds go blank. We say something stupid or talk too much.
Nothing about those interactions or relationships bring out the best in us. They don’t allow us to grow. We only defend ourselves, we hide, we pretend, we play small or brag too much.
This isn’t about surrounding ourselves with people who kiss our ass or are pretentious. It isn’t about playing nice, not being straight with each other. We all have things we need to learn, pay attention to and change.
This is deeper. It’s on a soul level. It’s the recognition of someone speaking your language, of someone from your tribe. It’s about being genuine and honest with each other. It’s about wanting to know the other person deeply. Without judgment. Without criticism.
It’s about growing. Becoming the best version of ourselves.
Our lives move so quickly. Everything passes in a heartbeat. We don’t have time to waste time with people who make us feel wrong or small. Nothing good comes from that.
However, it’s unrealistic to think we can avoid them altogether. We all have to find a way to live together. We all have to deal with uncomfortable situations, painful interactions and hurtful people.
But we have to choose carefully those with whom we want to spend our time. We must be very discerning about the people we invite into our lives!
None of this is easy. Most of us have deep insecurities and often feel that we need to accept what we are given.
My early life was full of criticism. I felt like nothing about me was good enough. My parents were sure to let me know every day. I now know they only wanted good things for me and didn’t know how to keep me safe and make me feel loved. I have nothing but compassion for them now. Their childhood was worse than mine and they did their best.
But it left me totally insecure and confused about life. I felt like everyone knew more, and even worse, knew better than me. I looked out through my eyes, like a window, and felt disconnected, unworthy and alone. I had no trust in myself, my feelings and instincts. I was full of conflicts and chaos. I didn’t feel like I deserved good treatment. I actually had no idea that there were people who could make me feel good or even just sort of ok.
I chose people who made me feel as small, confused, and chaotic as my family. It felt familiar. I was used to it and I attracted more of it into my life.
I thought that this was how life was supposed to be. My nervous system knew the drill. I was accustomed to it.
This is why we humans stay in abusive relationships: our nervous system recognizes the feelings, the patterns. It activates our adrenaline, we feel alive. Miserable and in pain, but alive.
Here’s the amazing, miraculous thing though: our soul or higher self knows better. Our spirit deeply longs for recognition. It knows this isn’t how life should be.
If we’re willing to be still, even just sometimes, if we’re willing to listen, we can connect to that deep inner knowing.
You won’t connect to it if you keep filling your life with busyness, drugs, alcohol, sex or whatever you dream up.
Be still and learn to trust. Be willing to grow as a human being.
With time this knowing grows. You become stronger and you begin to choose people who bring goodness into your life. That is when miracles show up. That is when life becomes good in the most sacred, deep, fulfilling, and crazy way.
This works for all of us. You only need to be willing. And never give up!
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