Tag: authenticity

Respect acceptance • authenticity • awareness • kindness • love • self-awareness • trust • understanding July 27, 2024 By Christina de Valencia 0 Comments

An Essential Quality in a Happy Relationship. Part Three

Respect

It is easy to notice a lack of respect, but defining it isn’t as easy.

To have respect for someone else, you must have respect for yourself.

Definition of Respect

Respect is showing regard for someone’s abilities and worth. It means valuing their feelings and their views, even if you don’t agree. It means accepting them on an equal footing and giving them the same consideration you would expect for yourself.

Respect is treating someone with kindness, understanding and compassion and accepting them for who they are.

Respect begins with oneself.

Respect is learned by experience. It is also defined by culture.

The Importance of Respect in Your Circle

The basis for respect lies in our values. It’s difficult to respect someone’s behavior if it is on the opposite end of the spectrum of what we consider respectful.

Let’s say your dog is well trained in regard to barking and walking. It is important to you not to disturb your neighbors. You feel that this shows respect for their privacy and right to quiet enjoyment of their home.

You realize that the sidewalk is a public place where everyone can safely walk. Therefore, your dog knows to walk calmly and is on a short leash when someone approaches.

Across the street from you lives a person whose dog is always barking and jumping at the fence or the window. When you cross paths on your walk, their leash tangles around your feet.

Maybe that person is from a different culture where those things aren’t important. Everyone is loud and rowdy, and dogs run wild and bark freely.

Since you live relatively close to each other it gets difficult. You may be able to grudgingly give respect for their cultural values, but living so closely will gradually erode your effort at respect.

Respect in Your Relationship

Respect is a vital component of any healthy relationship. It is part of the five essential qualities for a good relationship. https://encinitas-counseling.com/part-one-one-of-the-essential-qualities-in-a-happy-relationship/

As we discussed in previous posts, the foundation for a healthy respectful relationship is understanding your and your partner’s values. https://encinitas-counseling.com/an-essential-quality-in-happy-relationships/

You can love someone yet struggle to have respect. If one of your values is living a healthy lifestyle, yet your partner can’t seem to stop eating cookies and chips while their blood sugar keeps going up.

Here are some helpful questions about your beliefs about respect. It is important that you discuss these with your partner and share your definitions of what respect means to either of you.

What are your boundaries? Your partner’s boundaries?
What behavior is a deal breaker?
What are your definitions of respect? Does your partner share those definitions?
What are examples of respect and disrespect?
Do you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner?
Can you trust your partner? What does trust looks like in your daily life?
What happens if one of you is disrespectful? How will you handle this?

Each relationship is unique and has different issues. Determine what yours are.

Is your partner constantly looking at his phone when he’s home? Have you discussed that this feels disrespectful to you, particularly when you are trying to discuss some important concerns? Can you talk about this and find a happy medium?

Is your wife always talking and never really listening to you? Some people feel compelled to talk a lot. They’re always talking over other people. Always working on the response, rather than listening to what is being said by their partner.

This kind of compulsion requires serious effort on your partner’s side. This could be something that would benefit from counseling.

How to Build Respect in Your Relationship

Once you lose respect, like trust, it is difficult to rebuild.

You can rebuild trust if disrespectful behavior is not abusive and recurring.

Being in a relationship is sometimes difficult, even for the happiest, healthiest couples. You’re bound to disagree, make poor decisions, experience mood changes, and cross boundaries.

Here are some helpful ways you can build respect:

Open and honest communication. It is better to communicate honestly than to worry about hurting your partner’s feelings, because if you are not honest about your feelings and beliefs, it will eventually come out and their feelings will be hurt more deeply than if you had expressed your thoughts early on.
Support each other’s interests. You don’t have to share the same interests. Everyone has different interests, passions, and hobbies and it’s important to support what your partner values, if it isn’t damaging to the relationship. Maybe your partner loves to travel, but you don’t. Don’t deter her from going with friends. You are supporting her passion and by acknowledging and accepting this, it will build respect in your relationship.
Take responsibility for your actions. Don’t blame outside circumstances or another person. We’ve all known people who never admit their part in the issue. It brings to mind a child who wants to avoid getting in trouble. That is not a behavior that inspires respect.

The most essential quality for a healthy foundation in a relationship is self-awareness and it is critical that you notice how your behavior is affecting your relationship. How much are you bringing to the relationship and how is your stress affecting your ability to show up for your partner?

See more https://medium.com/@neuckh/couples-in-happy-relationships-do-these-five-simple-things-0ae7b7cc6c27

https://www.verywellmind.com/respect-is-vital-to-building-a-healthy-relationship-5206110

Integrity authenticity • clarity • empowerment • inner knowing • integrity • self-respect • wisdom May 11, 2014 By Christina de Valencia 0 Comments

Life on this Planet

I went to the beach the other day. A while ago I found a secluded area and that is where I was heading. We had clear, blue skies, but it was a bit cool and windy. I climbed down to my favorite spot.

I was thrilled to find that no one else was there.

The steep cliffs by the water broke some of the ragged, chilly wind coming off the water and it actually felt warm.

I took a deep breath and allowed that euphoric, exhilarating, mystical feeling of being at the ocean wash over me. The warm sun and the breeze felt so good. I began to relax.

I spread my towel, took off my shorts and sat down, giving thanks for this blessing. There wasn’t a soul for about a third of a mile in either direction.

A few moments later I noticed a man coming down the cliffs. He was trying to catch my attention. As a matter of fact, a quick glimpse affirmed that he was staring at me. I felt invaded and poignantly looked away, hoping he’d move on.

He put his towel down, no more than 20 feet away from me, and proceeded to take off ALL his clothes, making sure he was turned toward me.

I cringed, my whole body tightened, my peaceful retreat ruined. Annoyance and a little bit of fear crept in. Angry conversations…..all in my head: ”Why does he have to sit right here when there is all this space. Why does he keep staring at me, when I clearly want to be left alone? What kind of weirdo is this?”

Definitely uptight now, I kept reading the book I pulled out, determined to ignore him. I sat very still, barely breathing. I only shifted my position as he walked toward the water. I didn’t want to give him any additional reasons to watch me.

Being not too aware sometimes……I hate to admit this…..I finally questioned why I was doing this to myself. Why was I letting another person twist me all up inside and ruin my peace? Why was I still sitting here?

Social Psychologists tell us that we want to be liked and behave in ways to ensure positive feedback from others.

I started to wonder how often we do these things in life? Is it human nature to put up with this internal conflict or is it something we learned to do?

Were we taught by well-meaning adults who didn’t know any better themselves?

How many times a day do we allow others to make us feel sick, uneasy, confused and uptight? Why do we not walk away or say something when confronted with things that feel wrong?

We can all relate to stories where alarm bells go off internally, but we continue to play the “let’s not offend” game, even in the face of danger.

We’d rather abuse ourselves than take a stand for ourselves?

I think we have been conditioned to make nice, not to offend. We have become accustomed to that uncomfortable feeling within our bodies. We have forgotten how it feels to be in integrity with ourselves.

What would it look like if you could be honest with yourself?

Simply be in your body, feel what you feel and honor that. Just imagine what a sane world we would live in.……..

Homepage Slider authenticity • divine path • energy • Happiness • Inspiration • powerful • soul • vibration September 30, 2013 By Christina De Valencia 0 Comments

Welcome

I am here to encourage you, support and empower you to live a powerful, happy, successful, inspired life!
When we follow our divine path, we raise our vibration and invite more good into our lives.

Homepage Slider authenticity • Counseling • empowerment • exotic • northcountycounseling • tranquility • tropical island • vibrancy September 26, 2013 By Christina De Valencia 0 Comments

Bali Retreat

Imagine yourself on an exotic, beautiful, tropical island for 10 days. You feel the ocean breezes and you are being pampered with massages and savory, healthy meals.

Peace, tranquility and smiles all around you.

This is the atmosphere you will find yourself in as your transformation takes place to reconnect with your enthusiasm and purpose for life. Read more

Inspiration authenticity • Counseling • empowerment • excitement • Happiness • Inspiration • purpose September 7, 2013 By Christina de Valencia 0 Comments

Living an Inspired Life

Do you ache for more excitement, authenticity and meaning? Do you long for a way to break out of this crappy rut you have created for yourself? You want more from life, but don’t have a clue where to start?

How do you become inspired to live this passionate and enthusiastic life? A life that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning and start your day. The most powerful inspiration comes when you pursue your very own distinctive, unconventional, unusual path that breaks away from the pack (the sheeples, I like to call them).

Have you ever noticed when there is a line forming, everyone stands in the one with the most people even though there are three other counters? Those are the sheeples, who follow the herd. We have been conditioned from infancy to follow the norm, to fit in, to believe what authority tells us, etc. Everywhere you turn, you are asked to conform. If you want to feel alive, you need to work at being you, not some copy of someone else. As you get to know your real, true self, the more inspired you will become.

So who are you? How can you discover who you are?

Look at your life now. What do you like to do? When are you your happiest? It may not look like something tangible, like cooking or woodworking; it may be reading, or watching people. You may have an eye for detail in fashion or decorating. You may enjoy sailing, perhaps listening to others’ problems. As you are reading this you may be saying: Yes, that sounds great, but I need to make money. Look at the many ways people create income: Someone came up with stuffing a teddy bear with filling and a heart, giving it a name and birth certificate. There are professional waterslide testers,Storm Chasers, Video Game Designers, Coffee/Tea Tasters just to name a few unusual actual jobs. People come up with new ways to make a living every day and you can too!

Pay attention and don’t dismiss anything. There are clues in your daily life.

There are 8 simple steps that are required for an Inspired Life. One of those is meditation.

Learn to meditate, wait…. before you say you can’t sit still and empty your mind….there are many ways to meditate. Some people do it while running, surfing or taking a walk. Being still and listening is a learning process for everyone. You have to be willing and generous with yourself in that every second you remain still is a victory. A little at a time is good enough.

Guided meditations are a great way to begin, if it is difficult to sit and be completely still at first. Only in the stillness can we hear the answers that come from that sacred place within us.The more frantic and stressed we get, the less we find any answers. So learn to calm those racing thoughts and listen to what comes to you!

Be open. If you get invited to participate in something new: do it! If someone suggests taking a different path while hiking or walking: pursue it. If you feel the urge to take a trip: go. In your willingness to be open, doors open and you may be led to the very thing you have been searching for. Doing the same things again and again and expecting different results was defined as insanity by Einstein. So take a chance, open your mind and heart and allow new people and things into your life.

Sometimes we watch and learn from others; this is called modeling and while it is a powerful learning tool, it is only effective for a short while, as merely imitating someone else is ultimately not likely to be truly authentic or inspiring for you. What if they are living exactly the kind of life you want to live: Does that mean that you should model yourself after them? You can learn a lot from them, but you need to tailor it to your unique self. After all it’s very likely the people you admire were inspired to pursue their own unique path.

You CAN have an empowered, passionate, meaningful life ! Reaching your true potential requires a different kind of wisdom, one that requires you to develop a different concept about what is possible and a new attitude about life in general. You’ll want to acquire new life skills in order to produce higher quality results. Sound difficult? You do it one step at a time, taking little baby steps. It is no different than learning to ride a bicycle or eating with chopsticks.

You can do it!

If you need more help, contact me.