Category: Happiness

Acceptance Happiness June 20, 2018 By Christina de Valencia 0 Comments

What If We All Did This?

Recently my yoga teacher was talking about balance and neutrality. What he shared was different than I expected (that’s a lesson in itself, isn’t it?). I was sure he was going to lecture how we need balance in life, the yin and yang of things.

What he actually did talk about was that we seem to experience a lot of extreme ups and downs lately and we are all so focused on putting a positive spin on everything. Make it all look good. See the positive in your break-up or when you get laid off or fired. It’s over the top.

On the flip side, there are people who are always focused on the negative, the next crash or disappointment. They are standing in line at the check-out and the cashier closes the register: they just know that this was bound to happen to them. Nothing ever works out; you can bet on it, they tell you. They are off and running with the latest story of how they got screwed buying tires recently. They “know” the world is going to hell in a hand-basket.

Or we do both in the span of a week, a day, an hour. We are either way up or way down. Like an adrenaline rush. Things are working out and we are flying high, things aren’t working out and we get depressed.

Well, neither one of those perspectives is real. Life simply IS!

It is much less exhausting if we can acknowledge these ups and downs. If we can just observe life working out or not working out as we had hoped. What if we could just accept what is? Neither act positive nor negative. Just acknowledge that something, whether that is sad, painful or super-exciting. Allow it to run its course, because you know it will.

That’s where true peace resides.

What if you are having a conversation that triggers the memory of an incredibly painful time in your life? Of course if you are in a check-out line at the store, it’s not appropriate to delve into it, but what if that happens with friends or family? Or while you are posting in Instagram, Twitter or Facebook.

Wouldn’t it be incredibly freeing to know that you don’t have to pretend? You can express the facts of what is happening, recognize that although you feel upset this too shall pass.

Or feeling the high of getting our way, because you know this is also fleeting. It’s wonderful, that feeling of making things happen, but observe it. Watch that ego going overboard and rein it in a bit. Opt for balance.

We can share the truth of our lives without delving into a negative story, but with honesty and the awareness that this happens to all of us at one time or another.

Feelings come and go along with our memories. Sometimes talking is the most healing thing you can do, other times just taking time out to process on your own is best.

Extremes are rarely the answer.

Too much positivity creates shame, guilt and envy in others (and if that’s your intention then you likely have those feelings about your own life).

Too much negativity is depressing.

The best gift we can give each other is authenticity and vulnerability; we recognize ourselves in each other. That is where we connect.

We don’t connect when only sharing our strengths.

What would it look like if we were authentic and accept what is?

The One Thing That Will Change Your Life

How do we change? Some of you have heard me talk about this before, but it’s so powerful, it’s good to hear it again.

Most of the time we learn through pain. I am no different.

There it was again, this sense of feeling trapped and helpless in my situation. Someone who means a lot to me had done something that rocked my world…..not in a good way.

This triggered old thoughts and behaviors, like “no one really loves me and I am a bad person”. I went into a downward spiral, feeling overwhelmingly alone and betrayed.

Before I knew it, I was in a dark pit, taking me to a scary place…… making me feel like this was the theme of my life.

Yet, some small part of me recognized that I had felt out of control like this too many times in my life!

There had to be a better way!

This led me on a journey where I discovered that there is an easier way to change old patterns than practicing psychotherapy. Don’t get me wrong, I believe it is invaluable to explore the origins of our thoughts and behaviors.

But it takes a long time…..and doesn’t always work.

I know……. I had spent my life exploring and analyzing and, still here I was, falling right back into my old patterns. It happened in a flash, like someone else was pulling all the strings.

You may recognize this. It’s not just something that only takes hold of me. I’ve seen this with clients, in classes and retreats.

A trigger sets off an avalanche of emotions and behaviors. We are feeling trapped in ourselves.

We don’t always recognize the fork in the road. I didn’t at the time.

Sometimes it’s an article, a workshop, a retreat or a person who has something powerful to share, but you aren’t quite ready to hear it all. That’s how it started for me, years ago.

However, a seed was planted. When the soil was ready, specifically, when I was open enough, when I had had enough pain, this seed began to sprout. From there it was almost magical. Information, people and situations showed up that guided me along and showed me the way to change my life.

Here is what I discovered: Being willing to stop, breathe and observe, changed my life.

It may sound simple, but it isn’t necessarily easy. It requires practice.

It’s a skill we have to develop, a muscle we have to grow.

We think we are our thoughts, we believe we are our feelings. Yet they are only a part of us, not the entirety. We are so much more!

You are not your thoughts

We think, all day long, as long as we are awake. That is what our minds do…..one thought after another. Random thoughts, habitual thoughts, deep thoughts, shallow thoughts. Our mind analyzes, plans, remembers, likes, judges, compares, blames…… thoughts perpetually rising and falling.

We identify with those thoughts. If something happens, our mind jumps to certain thoughts and runs with those, like I’m no good, for example. You know that you can create a whole painful scenario from that one thought.

Yet, when you stop and watch your thoughts, you become aware that they are impermanent.

When we are willing to stop, breathe and recognize that we are thinking, when we step back and watch ourselves thinking, we can take back our power!

It requires a willingness to observe without judgment, like a scientist.

It is similar to lying in the grass watching the clouds or sitting by a river, just observing what flows downstream.

You recognize this is not you!! These thoughts are not a fact. You are so much more than these thoughts. They cannot take your equilibrium, your peace, your happiness.

Because, you see, just by being willing to observe your thoughts, you acknowledge their existence. Whenever we are willing to acknowledge something, it loses its urgency.

You are not your emotions

Emotions arise from our thoughts.

We may not recognize when a certain feeling originated, what thought began the wild ride downhill. But if we are willing to step back and observe ourselves feeling a disturbing emotion, we create the space in which we can recognize that we are not this emotion.

There is no need to fight or resist what is there. Just breathe and observe.

This is not you! It is simply an emotion that arose from thoughts, which are floating in and out of our minds, because that is what minds do.

We may think that these feelings are facts, because we have felt them for so long. Whatever we think repeatedly begins to appear as fact. But that is not the truth.

Simply observing without judgment, allows us to move through whatever is there. You’ve heard the saying: “What you resist, persists.”

If we don’t resist, there is no need for anything to persist.

By simply observing your emotions, you will uncover patterns in you that are keeping you stuck…..in pain, in destructive relationships, in self-sabotaging situations.

Once we become aware and observe our thoughts and emotions, the resistance disappears and this creates a space for life to show up differently.

It has the power to change relationships, to ourselves and others. It changes what we attract into our lives.

It heals our life!

You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. They are part of you, but not the entirety of you. Learn to be aware of them rather than become them.
Like all things in life, we must practice this. You can’t wait til you need it and expect yourself to be proficient.

We had to crawl before we walked, we had to practice holding that spoon and aim for our mouth, we didn’t learn that new language overnight.

Practice by giving yourself time throughout the day to sit quietly, without distractions, to notice, to observe, to be…….like a scientist, without judgment.

Practice, when you are in conversation with others, when you are working on something, when you are watching TV…..

Just observing, not judging.

If you forget, it’s ok. Do it next time…..

Be kind and gentle with yourself…….and don’t forget to breathe.

To learn more, come to our classes https://www.encinitas-counseling.com/events-and-classes/

or contact me https://christina@christinadevalencia.com

Acceptance Faith Happiness Inspiration Integrity Self-Love Success love • movie • Wayne Dyer September 3, 2015 By Christina de Valencia 0 Comments

Wayne Dyer’s last gift….it’s free

dr-wayne-dyer

We have lost a great soul on this earth. His family posted in social media that: “Wayne has left his body, passing away through the night. He always said he couldn’t wait for this next adventure to begin and had no fear of dying. ” Wayne Dyer has contributed so much to our lives through his books, talks, PBS specials and simply his presence.

One of his famous quotes is: “Love is my gift to the world. I fill myself with love, and I send that love out into the world.”

It was his purpose to re-discover the meaning of life and share it with us, guide us and inspire us. I’m forever grateful to have had the opportunity to experience him in my life.

In honor of his life, Hay House is offering his film “Shift” for a limited time for free. I want to do my part by sharing this link with as many people as I can, because if you are just a little bit willing, it can bring a shift into your life. It is a message we all need to hear.

On some level we are all searching for something. It is built into us, we can’t escape it. We might pretend otherwise, but it keeps tugging at us.

We long to find meaning in our lives, we long for love, peace, joy and purpose.

However, the world we live in is a paradox, an insane place. All you have to do is call a big organization: You will be told “Your call is important to us” and then be put on hold for an indeterminate amount of time. Really?

Governments are meant to serve, but do you feel served or more like a victim of bureaucracy?

We will be punished if we don’t pay our bills, but our governments, who are supposed to represent us, continue to accumulate more debt and print more money. They don’t pay their bills.

Everywhere you look, the action does not reflect the words. The answer is not out there!

Wayne Dyer said: “Society demands conformity at the expense of individual liberty. Let us be for once a non-conformist to be fully alive.”

Our businesses, the media, laws and governments are not run by enlightened, kind, caring people. How can it not be confusing and illogical to follow society’s rules? That is not where the answers are!

In his film “Shift”, Wayne Dyer gently guides us back to ourselves where we have the answers. He does it with such humility, kindness and patience that we lay down our defenses and listen. He does it with such integrity that you feel trust and a willingness to acknowledge the truth of his words.

https://www.drwaynedyer.com/blog/making-the-shift/

So take a few moments to watch this powerful movie and let me know if it made a difference to you.

I’ll leave you with some of my favorite quotes by Wayne Dyer:

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

“If you have a choice between right and kind, always choose kind”

“Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules.”

“A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe”

Happiness Mindfulness acceptance • enjoyment • Gratitude • Happiness • mindfulness • mindfulness meditation • mindfulness practice • mindfulness training • mindfulness workshop • money • peace • Self-improvement • self-pity • stop doing • Stress April 15, 2015 By Christina de Valencia 0 Comments

Oh That Elusive HAPPINESS

The Art of Happiness. If it doesn’t come naturally, we have to help it along.

Sometimes when nothing seems to go right, Stop!!………Stop all the frantic activity and go DO something you like.

I’m sure you have been told that when you are constantly busy, running around taking care of stuff, nothing changes, nothing new can come in. Your mind is not at peace, your body is stressed out, your emotions are on edge and everywhere you turn presents you with another roadblock.

A glass of wine is good, but maybe not in the morning.

Meditation will definitely get you on a better track, but it seems at times it’s nearly impossible to just sit down and get quiet.

Your mind is racing, your adrenaline is high and the last thing you can imagine is sitting still. That’s why it’s sometimes more productive to do something you really enjoy to get back to a happier place, to find your happiness.

I love to do physical stuff, like painting walls or furniture, digging in the garden, building a little table, fixing something, creating wood-art, practicing yoga or taking a walk on the beach.

You don’t have a moment to stop and spend time “goofing off”, you say? Really? Will you have the time to get sick, have a mental break-down or at the very least get into disagreements with your loved ones? We really all do have time to stop every once in a while.

We have to prioritize. What is more important in this moment: What we are doing or our sanity?

Do something you enjoy!

Your kids can miss a soccer game once in a while. If you don’t make it to the grocery store after work, you won’t starve. Your spouse can take care of that task without you. If you don’t have a spouse, leave it for another day (it works for Latinos….manana). Ask someone for help. People really do want to help, as long as you don’t abuse it.

I have a couple of rental homes and one of them had a serious roof-leak. It literally rains in. The tenant had to put some pots and pans out to catch the drips. This stresses me out to the max. The thought of the tenant being upset, the damage the water is causing, the expense……on and on. In the meantime, I can’t get a hold of the roofer. It won’t stop raining (I’m in NC right now). But, I suddenly realize, I have absolutely no control over this at the moment. I already left a message for the roofer. I apologized to the tenant. “Money comes easily and frequently” (my favorite mantra).

It was out of my hands.

Still tense, I located my paintbrush, pulled out that new can of paint and started painting my bathroom.

My mind calmed down in minutes, a space opened up for better thoughts, my breathing regulated…..all without me having to work hard at it. That’s the best part! I am tired of working so hard at everything. Aren’t you?

Then I remembered three things that always shift the energy and open the door for happiness:

1. Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself!

Self-pity is the very worst kind of emotion. It kinda sneaks in there and before you know it you are all about it. It destroys everything around itself, and leaves you feeling powerless.

Stop being the victim, stop feeling sorry for yourself – and be happy.

2. Be Grateful

Life is so fast-paced that we rarely recognize and acknowledge the wonder of it all.

Think of all the things you’re grateful for right now: family, health, home, your puppy, your red shoes, the grass, the sunshine, everything. Spend time being grateful each day – and be happy.

3. Accept What Is

We frequently resist what is. Just say “Yes!” more to all of life’s experiences. Don’t fight the river’s current. Say “Yes!” more to emotions, situations, social invitations, adventures – and be happy.

Before I knew it I was smiling. Happiness……………it’s a process, not a destination.

To Your Happiness, with Love